Restless Nights
Lately I'm waking up at around 2:30, 3:00 AM and cannot go back to sleep. No real reason. Just have to pee, as usual. So usually by the 5th trip to the bathroom, my body has had it and doesn't want to fall back asleep, I guess. The other day I posted on Facebook that I was up at 3 and bored. A dear friend of mine posted back to me that I could use the time to blog, journal, create, all for my wonderful daughter who'll be here with us in no time. Why hadn't I thought of that? Because bogging requires me to write the perfect entry. Blogging takes up valuable time I need to play on Facebook. Because blogging means using up my laptop's battery... Man, the excuses!! She's right, however. I did start blogging again for the very intention of documenting my journey of being an expectant mother, and a very happy and thrilled one at that. So I'll go on for a second about just how excited I am...
Stella Grace moves around a lot. It's the coolest thing ever. She's constantly reminding me that she's in there, living, growing, preparing herself for her entry into the world. I feel her all the time, and when I don't, I freak out. Sometimes I'll even place my hands on my belly (I actually have my hands practically glued there anyhow) and ask, "Are you still in there, Stella Grace?"! She rarely responds to that but never fails to wiggle later on. Sean still hasn't had the pleasure of feeling her bump around yet, but I'm certain that day is coming very soon, although he's got his hands pretty much glued to my belly as well. Sean is divine... It is the coolest thing to watch - seeing him get down to Stella's level to say hi, sing her a song, give her a kiss. And every day he tells me how much he loves his girls - girlS, plural! So fabulous! I honestly had no idea, would never have dreamed he would be this excited, this present, this giving. He has been helping so much lately, and I've been so grateful to have a husband who is so into this pregnancy.
In an effort to make connections with other moms, I have been doing some research about mommy groups. I've found an API meeting near work, however, they meet during the day, which makes it impossible for this working mom-to-be. It's kind of frustrating because most groups I care to join or become involved in cater to the stay-at-home mom. The solution for that could be, and for this I'm grateful, using my summer time off to get involved, then maybe start a group for working moms AFTER working hours! That is, if I don't get to stay home..."get". Hmmmm, what's that about? Anyhow, I put myself in contact with the leader of that group who told me about an API meet-up type group on Big Tent. So, I "applied" and am now waiting on a response. It feels kind of strange - like I'm hoping to get accepted into the club or something, and worrying I may not have said the right things on my "reasons you want to join this group" section! Already I'm anticipating a rejection notice, or no notice at all, of my acceptance into these groups. It's kind of nerve racking! But the universe will provide, they say, and on most days I believe that. I guess I'm wanting all this on my time table, because, time is running out, folks, and I don't want to miss out on any important information I might need, which is crazy thinking, for I get all I need when I need it. So no need to worry, right?
The subject of staying at home came up briefly yesterday as we met with one of Sean's friends, Zeke, and his lovely girlfriend, Virginia. It was uncomfortable, but I can only speak for myself, since I'm afraid of Sean becoming afraid. How very co-dependent of me. Yet, I do have to consider the other half in this relationship, so I do take into account his feelings about it all. It's a financial fear, basically, and it all boils down to savings and retirement. I come from a place of "everything will be provided". Sean comes from a place of "If I don't save now, we'll live in poverty when we're old". Kind of makes it hard to find a middle ground. But we're working on it. At least that's what I keep telling myself. For now, all I can do it turn it over. I write it down, say a little prayer, such as, "I don't know how it will work, but just let me know what I'm supposed to do, if anything", and trust that more will be revealed. My dream is to be able to raise my own child, bottom line. Fill her life with wonder an excitement, teach her about peace and tolerance, foster creativity and exploration, and let her become her own person while surrounding her with other children who are learning the same. I hope those API "judges" read that. Because that's that start of my parenting philosophy that I couldn't remember yesterday.
And on a completely different note, I wish I knew how to pimp my blog. And I hope dad gives me a kick ass digital camera for Christmas!
Stella Grace moves around a lot. It's the coolest thing ever. She's constantly reminding me that she's in there, living, growing, preparing herself for her entry into the world. I feel her all the time, and when I don't, I freak out. Sometimes I'll even place my hands on my belly (I actually have my hands practically glued there anyhow) and ask, "Are you still in there, Stella Grace?"! She rarely responds to that but never fails to wiggle later on. Sean still hasn't had the pleasure of feeling her bump around yet, but I'm certain that day is coming very soon, although he's got his hands pretty much glued to my belly as well. Sean is divine... It is the coolest thing to watch - seeing him get down to Stella's level to say hi, sing her a song, give her a kiss. And every day he tells me how much he loves his girls - girlS, plural! So fabulous! I honestly had no idea, would never have dreamed he would be this excited, this present, this giving. He has been helping so much lately, and I've been so grateful to have a husband who is so into this pregnancy.
In an effort to make connections with other moms, I have been doing some research about mommy groups. I've found an API meeting near work, however, they meet during the day, which makes it impossible for this working mom-to-be. It's kind of frustrating because most groups I care to join or become involved in cater to the stay-at-home mom. The solution for that could be, and for this I'm grateful, using my summer time off to get involved, then maybe start a group for working moms AFTER working hours! That is, if I don't get to stay home..."get". Hmmmm, what's that about? Anyhow, I put myself in contact with the leader of that group who told me about an API meet-up type group on Big Tent. So, I "applied" and am now waiting on a response. It feels kind of strange - like I'm hoping to get accepted into the club or something, and worrying I may not have said the right things on my "reasons you want to join this group" section! Already I'm anticipating a rejection notice, or no notice at all, of my acceptance into these groups. It's kind of nerve racking! But the universe will provide, they say, and on most days I believe that. I guess I'm wanting all this on my time table, because, time is running out, folks, and I don't want to miss out on any important information I might need, which is crazy thinking, for I get all I need when I need it. So no need to worry, right?
The subject of staying at home came up briefly yesterday as we met with one of Sean's friends, Zeke, and his lovely girlfriend, Virginia. It was uncomfortable, but I can only speak for myself, since I'm afraid of Sean becoming afraid. How very co-dependent of me. Yet, I do have to consider the other half in this relationship, so I do take into account his feelings about it all. It's a financial fear, basically, and it all boils down to savings and retirement. I come from a place of "everything will be provided". Sean comes from a place of "If I don't save now, we'll live in poverty when we're old". Kind of makes it hard to find a middle ground. But we're working on it. At least that's what I keep telling myself. For now, all I can do it turn it over. I write it down, say a little prayer, such as, "I don't know how it will work, but just let me know what I'm supposed to do, if anything", and trust that more will be revealed. My dream is to be able to raise my own child, bottom line. Fill her life with wonder an excitement, teach her about peace and tolerance, foster creativity and exploration, and let her become her own person while surrounding her with other children who are learning the same. I hope those API "judges" read that. Because that's that start of my parenting philosophy that I couldn't remember yesterday.
And on a completely different note, I wish I knew how to pimp my blog. And I hope dad gives me a kick ass digital camera for Christmas!
posted by corocita at
4:55 AM
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